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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Futility Review: Juststeven's Place

Welcome to my first "Futility Review". When a review is titled a "Futility review", that means the game is going to suck, and I'm going to review it for you so you can spare yourself the unholy indignity of going there yourself. And today, I'm gonna be reviewing Juststeven's Place. The reason I call it "Juststeven's Place" is because he constantly changes the name and thumbnail. I hate people who do that. And the reason I'm reviewing a place today is because Arby wasn't racking in enough web traffic to buy himself a decent meal at Arby's, and he pointed out that I was being absent from my so-called "job". So yeah, here it goes.

LE EPIC MINECRAFT STYO XDDDDDD!!!!
JUSTSTEVEN'S EVER-CHANGING PLACE
So I proceed by entering the place. Wanna know what was inside? Low-quality minecraft decals slapped on "Welcome to ROBLOX building". And swords. SFoTHIV swords. The premise of the game is to build a fortress and sword-fight. I DID manage to get a little fun out of this game, albeit I was with friends and we were destroying raging little kids with the instakill VIP shotguns, but still.

GAMEPLAY: 2/10
Gameplay? I'm not even sure there IS any gameplay in this god-awful place. It's pretty much nonlinear from my point of view. Build a fort and swordfight. Simple as that. Hell, you can have more fun at a blank plate w/ a sword in the StarterPack. This game is repetitive, boring, and once you get the Darkheart (which you never will) and make a giant fortress, there's pretty much nothing left to do. Except get spawnkilled by some smug loser with the Venomshank.

CREATIVITY: 1/10
The creativity involved in this place really IS as futile as it gets. The "Updates" are fake. Wanna know what Juststeven updates? The damn title and thumbnail. And wanna know what they're always related to? MINECRAFT. FREAKIN' MINECRAFT. Because every 10-year old boy loves Minecraft. And every 10-year old boy loves Gangnam Style. See the thumbnail above. This game should be called "Identity Crisis: THE GAME". I'm surprised Juststeven hasn't drowned in Tickets yet (not implying they're even worth anything anymore).

EFFORT: 2/10
The effort put into this game is abysmal. Juststeven just took "Welcome to ROBLOX building", stripped all of its decorations down to a baseplate with smaller baseplates on it, and slapped a bunch of Minecraft-related things in it. It's really up to what the player designs, but I think you'd be better off at WtRB. It saves your stuff and, if people like it, you can get a bronze statue built in your honor. Also, let me point out something; the VIP room is awful.It looks like it's slapped together with 7 big wall pieces and the only things inside are overpowered Weapon Vending Machines and broken givers. Hell, the VIP room is so bad that the only way you can get inside is when the door regenerates. You can slip in for 5 seconds, regardless of whether you have the VIP shirt or not, and then you're stuck in it for 5 minutes until the door regens again.

OVERALL FUTILITY: 9/10
Garbage like this that gets on the front page is one of the only things that makes me want to vomit. Juststeven had the potential, but he soon became a victim of his own success. Don't be a sucker and fall for the colorful Minecraft thumbnails thinking you'll get a half-decent game. Hell, if you KNEW what a half-decent game is, you'd be playing the actual MINECRAFT instead of this urine-stained "fort builder" game. Juststeven, if you're reading this right now, let me just say that I sincerely dislike your game, and I have proved it in the most SFW ways I can think up. This IS an all-ages blog, and I can't have humor equivalent to the humor seen on Cracked.

I'd recommend this place.
And this place, too.


3 comments:

  1. I love this

    theovert rants are 10/10

    ReplyDelete
  2. You pretty much just get spawnkilled here

    ReplyDelete
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